My Journey to Freedom

s a child growing up in Catholic Elementary and High School, I never quite grasped the concept of the Bible. I always found science better at explaining the reality of the world rather than the mythology of the Bible. The schools I went in both Elementary and Secondary where not Bible thumping schools. In elementary, we always lead each day with our national anthem and prayers for the day. In high school, it was every once in a while the school would attend church, but in classes learning was top priority. Science class never deviated from the facts. We'd make lab reports based on hypothesis and observations. I often wondered if anyone in that class at any given point in time used the "God" excuse to explain their findings. I found myself rolling my eyes when someone mentions "God" as an absolute explanation. You know when sometimes you experience something, but don't have all the facts yet and some idiot beside you says, "Oh well, only God knows." That's when I roll my eyes. Anyway, my love for science was soon replaced for my love for the theatre; drama and art. I always found creating entertainment to be a calming experience. I once tried to go back to study science in grade 12, but for some reason I wasn't cut out for it's advanced curriculum. I eventually dropped science class in the early semester and focused my work in creating art. I've never looked since.

This leads to my university career. My first year lead to turmoil when I broke up with my high school girlfriend of three years. Where did I turn to for ease? That's right, I turned to religion. I went to church every Sunday for that year, but my attendance slowly declined in the following years. During my second year at university, I studied Greek plays and the gods of Ancient Greece. I found the subject very interesting especially the festivals honouring the gods [i.e. The Festival of Dionysus] and their importance in their world/plays. While it was an interesting class my faith was still very much a part of me.

The question of faith never entered into my mind until the first semester of my final year [September-December 2007]. I took a class in early English drama that studied The Croxton play of the Sacrament and since then I've discovered my decline in believing in a god or any such god. The story of The Croxton play of the Sacrament, revolves around conversion. It uses elements and teachings of the Bible to educate the audience. Not only are the characters in the play on the road to being converted, but those who were not Christian in the audience were encouraged to believe the teachings and convert. The play is very similar to racial profiling, because if you were not Christian, then you were the "other" in the religious dichotomy; either us or them as the saying goes. The story used elements of spectacle [power of the Eucharist] to highlight the Christian reason. I then started thinking about my place in my religion and where I stood. The play borrowed many of its themes from the Bible. I then started thinking about those who wrote the Bible and often wondered if there were similarities prior to Judaism and Christian belief.

It wasn't until I discovered Zeitgeist - The Movie, that had a powerful beginning about religion, a very questionable second act [9/11 conspiracies is not part of my skepticism] and a very strong third. After watching the movie I hit up sites such as Wikipeida to verify the similarities between Dionysus - since I was familiar with this Greek god - and Jesus. I then started reading about all the other gods [i.e. Horus and Set in Egyptian mythology] and compared it to the teachings of the Bible. It was staggering what I discovered. There was no doubt in my mind that I was living under a veil my whole life. This started the slowly, but surely transition into who I am today. However, not everything was clear cut as I was still on the fence.

In my final semester of my final year, exams came upon me. I was in much stress and under the pressure of trying to finish school. After I pseudo-rejected my faith my involvement in university became hard to control. Reality hit me hard when I realized that I didn't put much effort into my school work. So what did I do? You guessed it, I regrettably turned to religion. I begged and pleaded my god to help me finish school, because I could not stand thinking of taking summer school or another year.

In my mind I would often say, "So does it come to this? Do I have to believe in you in order to help me pass? I want to reject you, but it's so hard not to." So what happened? How did I go from embracing religion to sort of rejecting it to going back to it and then finally rejecting religion?

Let me tell you what I did weeks prior to exams. I stayed up late at night reading, reading and reading. I would often find myself in the library 24 hours. I worked hard, drank redbull and retained enough information for me to pass all my exams. Was it the grace of god who helped me through those times? Nope, it was all me. Did god fill me with the holy spirit to retain all the information I learned? Nope, it was all me. Did I give god any credit? Nope, because it was all me!

When my final marks came in I breathed a sigh of relief. I then went into a personal debate about my stance on religion and often talked to my father about his faith and his knowledge about the Bible. One of my friends let me borrow his DVD, What the Bleep!? Down the Rabbit Hole. After educating myself more and more I came to one crucial realization: I am in control.

I don't need a religious leader to tell me how to lead my life.
I don't need follow others.
I don't need to force myself into something I don't believe in.
I don't need god.
I can speak out for myself.
I am my own leader.
I am in control of my own life.

Coming to the realization that there is no god made me almost feel like a person being lifted into the three-dimensional world from flatland. I even went as far as comparing my new found freedom to being let go from the Matrix. The experience is just as profound and the similarities between letting go of religion and being unplugged from the Matrix are similar to gaining a new look on life. It is up to the individual to free ones own mind. As much as I loved the first Matrix movie, I could not help but notice that the following sequels represented a similarity to a saviour freeing humanity from evil, but I digress [I'll probably write something about it in the future blogposts]. Having the power to set one's self free is really an exhilarating experience, because I realized I've lived in ignorance my whole life. I admit I was weak at certain points, but I am stronger now than ever.


I questioned myself once: Now that I have this new freedom of the mind, would I ever want to go back?

The indefinite answer is: NO!